Why I'm Home... Part 2

Well I'm sure there a lot of people who want to know why I'm home.... again. I'm going to be pretty real here. I'm really struggling being here and so that it is one reason I felt the need to write this because maybe something I say can help someone else. So I have started to come to the realization that maybe my depression gets really bad in the winter for some reason. Especially the Indiana winters because they are crazy! But really not exactly sure why I'm back home like god's reasoning in this but I'm sure we will figure that out one of these days.

I love Indiana with all my heart and it is really pretty heartbreaking having to leave it earlier than planned. More so the people of Indiana and the way they touched me and changed my life. I'm honestly still in shock that I'm home I'm sure all RMs feel that but I have this huge regret of telling someone that I was struggling. I mean I could still be there right now if I didn't tell anyone. I know that is stupid though because it could be harmful to my companion or myself. Still why couldn't  I have just hid it or overcome it. I just wanted to serve the people. It is honestly the hardest thing to have a love for the people and want to do everything you can to help them but for some reason you just can't completely be there. There is always something telling you that you aren't enough that you can't do this. I finally decided to call my mission nurse after I had spent every night for two weeks locking myself in the bathroom crying after we came in at night. It was something I couldn't explain and I just kept getting even more mad at myself that I was so worthless and had no reason to cry. For me that is one of the hardest parts of depression is not knowing the reason behind it. Something I don't really like to tell people is that I was at the point of wanting to take my own life. That isn't something I just say for attention that is something that is very real and terrifying. I really struggle that these are my own thoughts. It makes you feel crazy. I can't believe I'm even writing that but I feel like it's something that I need to say. Sometimes it just isn't enough to 'fake it until you make it'

Jeffrey R. Holland gives a very comforting talk about this subject:

"However bewildering this all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor.

In striving for some peace and understanding in these difficult matters, it is crucial to remember that we are living—and chose to live—in a fallen world where for divine purposes our pursuit of godliness will be tested and tried again and again. Of greatest assurance in God’s plan is that a Savior was promised, a Redeemer, who through our faith in Him would lift us triumphantly over those tests and trials, even though the cost to do so would be unfathomable for both the Father who sent Him and the Son who came. It is only an appreciation of this divine love that will make our own lesser suffering first bearable, then understandable, and finally redemptive."

You know it is extremely hard to see it in that light that it is something that does need to be acknowledged but at the same time it makes you feel a little less crazy. But I do know that the only thing that has brought me true comfort is knowing that Jesus Christ is my savior. One of my favorite scriptures in The Book of Mormon is in Alma 7:11 which says:

 11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

I know that he died for everyone of us and that he felt everything that we have felt and that we will ever feel. He knows our struggles and our pains. I'm not alone in this. I'm so grateful for the power that the atonement gives us to overcome sin. The love that can be felt from our heavenly father is insane! It is healing and straight up comforting. I have come to know that even though I'm not the best person all the time that I am a child of god and that I am loved.

Guys it is super hard to be home right now. Pretty much the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I've heard coming home early feels a little bit like hell and I think I could agree with that. haha. But I have hope that this time will pass. I know that whatever happens that heavenly  father does have a game plan. At the moment it really is a struggle to not feel like a failure you know after trying twice and failing both times. It feels like there is so much more that could have been done. I'm sure I'll realize eventually why it all played out this way.

I really do miss Indiana I really loved every moment that I had there. Even through all the struggles. I have changed and I hope that I have helped someone along the way change. I have met so many amazing people who helped me to become a better person. So many people who helped me realize what life is really all about.  I made best friends, gained some new family members and grown to love the Hoosiers. That 9 months total that I was able to spend will be something that I think about for the rest of my life.

I was able to talk to some people from Indiana today and seriously can't believe how much love these people have shown me. They truly have become like family to me. I'm for sure missing them and having the chance to share my testimony with them. But these people they have brought me peace through their Christlike love. They have helped me to better understand the atonement and the ability to change every day. I'm so grateful for that and the testimony that I have gained. I hope to visit sometime soon. :)

Well I guess to end this I just want you all to know that the only way we can find peace is through Jesus Christ as we pray and study the scriptures that we have been given.  There is pure joy that can be felt as we pray for forgiveness. I know that he lives and that he loves us.

So choose the right and let the consequence follow!

Love,

Sierra 

Some good stuff happened...

I'm doing good! Finally recovering from the flu or whatever I just had for this whole last week. I pretty much slept a lot this week because I felt like dying. Maybe it's ebola? haha. So it has been kind of a rough week. But still some good stuff happened.

So we had dinner with the guy who invited us over when we traced into him. It was pretty sweet! that has never happened my whole mission. So it was weird I was like okay we should tract this street than I was like hey we should just knock on some of the doors we feel prompted to. So I saw that guy’s door and he said he wasn't really interested but then had a conversation with us and invited us over haha. He said when he told his wife that he invited two young missionary girls over she was like what the? okay. He said he usually just tells the missionaries to leave but he said something that I said got him. I'm pretty sure that is what we call the spirit? haha. That was pretty neat. They are actually looking for a church because the Methodist church they attend decided to change their stand on marriage. They now agree with it. So now we have a sweet possible teaching opportunity. They are super nice people! He said he just met us and thought of his granddaughters walking around and getting rejected and really wanted to help us out. We will see if anything comes out of that.

Then we have this investigator who thinks we are like a charity source and she called and asked for a fridge, stove, dishwasher and basically a butt load of household items haha. She has a bit of a mental problem but I thought it was kind of funny she is asking two 20 year olds. 

Everyone keeps telling us how rough this area is and it is kind of driving me insane haha. I'm pretty sure we are going to see some miracles and great things will happen :)

Not sure if I told you two of the Elders I served with in Greenwood are in my ward here too haha. Stalkers!

I actually go home on august 11...the transfer isn't until then.

I miss you guys a lot! You should for sure write me letters or something.

Well I love ya!

Sister Brooks

Life is a blur haha...

I'm pretty close so I will get to see Lone Eagle speak at why I believe. I called him yesterday and just ended up crying when I hung up because I miss that guy already! He was like "love ya sweetheart give me a buzz sometime!" haha classic Lone. I really want you guys to meet him someday. When he goes to the temple can we come back?! :) Elder Twitchell already told him he is going to be his escort haha.

Training is going good. Life is a blur haha. My companion is really awesome! She is from Woods Cross, Utah so close to Uncle B's hometown. She is already super great at teaching and killing it out here. We are just working on the finding part of things mostly. We tracted into this guy the other day who thought I was Sue Brooks which is a lady who is running for some local office. He invited us for dinner sometime. So that will be cool. Maybe something will come from it.

It is harder but not like killing me. I just have to be a little bit better of an example but I feel like it was kind of the same in Greenwood. It is just crazy not knowing anything about the area really. I did have one panic attack during district meeting which was super embarrassing. We were role playing in front of other missionaries and after we finished the role play and we were evaluating I just started crying and I really didn't know why. So all the elders probably think I'm a crazy. Well actually Elder Brinkerhoff who I was serving with in my last ward for 4 1/2 months is in the same ward again but he is a ZL now. And also Elder Bruckman who I served around for 41/2 months is in my same ward again haha. So they both already knew I was a crazy. Our ward has four sets of missionaries... because there are 350 less active/ inactive people and 150 active. So we work with less actives on the daily haha. We have a Sr. couple and we call them grandma and grandpa haha. We eat lunch and take Sunday naps at their house as a district. Then we have two sets of elders and then one set of sisters which are us.

Yeah I think it is safe to send packages. haha. Our first night there was like this domestic dispute and we heard the f bomb like 1,000 times and then a bunch of cops showed up. But that happens everywhere. Just thought it was a nice welcome to my new area.

The ward so far is awesome but I have only been here since Wednesday and still don't really know anything or very many people. But we will get there haha.

We have two investigators and their names are Cierra and Chelsea. They are 16 and 21 and super cute! :)

Well I love ya!

Sister Brooks

 

Too many Goodbyes...

I am leaving the G-wood for a new home...

Party People!

Tis true I am leaving the G-wood for a new home of which I have no idea where I'll be headed. But I do know that I will become a mother this transfer of a green missionary. She shall be a holiday baby and we will have Christmas together! I'm pretty excited. It is about to get real wild in my life. I haven't seen a change in quite some time! I can't believe the day has come! But now there is going to be a butt load of change in my life. No more Jetta, Lone Eagle, Gym, companion who knows how to do missionary work, possibly no more Chickfila!?! :( haha. nah it's all good though I'm so ready to grow and become a better missionary! I have this feeling that I'll be going to a little bit of a Ghetto because G-wood has been pretty classy. It's my time. haha just wait I'll get called to the classiest place now because I think that. 

Missionary work is actually a lot harder in the classier places because a lot of wealthy people feel that they don't need god in their lives :(  West Lafayette had a lot of that in the mixture. I remember tracting in this rich neighborhood and getting almost every door automatically in our face. But then you hit up the trailer park and everyone is like oh come in are you cold you need water? It is so amazing the difference in those who have material things and those who have heart. I really think those who have heart are much happier than those with materials. There are some really great rich people too somewhere. Just haven't met them yet. So I was thinking about Shark Tale everyone always tells me that it is a ghetto version of Finding Nemo because yes I use Shark Tale in some lessons as an example haha. But that movie really has a good moral like don't miss out on what you have right now and how he kept wanting to be at the top of the reef when he already had everything at the bottom. Not sure why I went off on that tangent but there you go. 

You’re really going to commit to a handwritten letter every week? That is wild mom. haha. 

I'm for sure going to miss this place but I'm ready for some change. I'm really going to miss all the Widows we visit. I think that is something I want to do for the rest of my life. It really brings great joy to talk to these wicked sweet strong women. 

Well I love you guys! :) 

Choose the right and let the consequence follow y'all! 

Sister Brooks

a pretty wild week...

Hello!

It has been a pretty wild week in the fact that I'm not sure where the heck it went haha.

We had two 4 hour meetings this week and it kind of threw me off. We got to see Meet the Mormons though and that was really good :) I recommend seeing it for sure! I wish that it was already on DVD. They are planning on having it on Netflix I guess and President said that once it comes out we will be able to watch it with people! That will be cool. 

There was also Why I Believe this week and it was a really awesome time. They have missionaries who are about to leave bear their testimonies at the end and Sister Howard bore her testimony and I was just crying. I never realized how much of a mother she was to me haha. She said something about how companions mold us and shape us. It's so true she helped me out so much when I was going through a really hard time. I love that girl!

Oh I was wondering how is Doctor Ditty?

My back is doing a lot better my leg is actually more of the problem now. But I should start this week. (She is starting physical therapy)

Grandma and Grandpa will always be together :)

Well I love ya guys!

Sister Brooks

Last time I'll see Sister Howard in the mission :(

Bought this hat for 50 cents haha    

for bunco we play it with our zone.  

The Indianapolis Zoo!

The Jettta :)

Hayden made me this scarf! Isn't that the nicest?!

Women's conference was super awesome!

Hello!

My week went pretty well... okay haha. It has been kind of a weird week. But not really a bad week. It's feeling pretty weird that I have been in Greenwood for almost 6 months. I feel like I've moved in.

I keep laughing about that sister from England who doesn't like the Arctic Monkeys. Dad was just really upset about that. haha. I hope that sister didn't scar him of hating on sister missionaries forever. There are some cool ones sometimes. It's funny though because I think our family will just always like elders better since dad was taught by elders. Even me sometimes I'm like sisters are lame haha. Then I realize I'm a sister missionary... I'm pretty lame though so it's okay.

Women's conference was super awesome! I loved how the theme was basically eternal families. I was writing a letter today and pretty much bore my testimony of eternal families on accident haha. I've been thinking a lot about it and the miracle that temples are. I think it's crazy how young we were and how we can still remember being in the temple together as a family. The temple is a really amazing place. It's heaven on earth! I wish that we could go more often in the field. But you best be going for me haha. Dion needs his work done for real.

  

Yeah it is so crazy it is like Halloween coming up real quick and all that!

Transfers are October 22nd. I think I'll be leaving but who knows?! haha. Sister Howard has been in Carmel for 7 1/2 months. He doesn't really change people when there are baptisms happening it seems like... so we will see. Sister Howard has been baptizing up a storm man. She is a really great missionary.

Aww tell Malinda I love her!

Well I love ya guys!

Sister Brooks

Faith is definitely a requirement to success as a missionary and in anything you ever do!

What Y'all Doing!?

My week went pretty well. I'm really tired. I started working out 2 times a day now and I think that it is making me really tired but I lost five pounds so I think I'll just be tired haha. I'm really working on it because I feel a lot better about myself. 

We pretty much had dinner appointments every night this last week and we are pretty full this next week. So that is sweet!

So this lady texted us this week and just said "I'm ready to study with you guys again want to come over tomorrow?" So we were like heck yes... but by the way we are sister missionaries and not elders. She was super pumped because the elders always had to talk to her on her porch. She seems like she basically wants to learn at this point but then comes conversion ;) haha. The Elders of course were hating and are hating because she apparently has talked to them before and they told us she has no real desire. I'm like hey get out of here people change haha. I get so annoyed when people doubt. Like Lone Eagle no one ever thought he would be baptized... well look who is baptized. Faith is definitely a requirement to success as a missionary and in anything you ever do. You can't go in like oh this person will never change. You have to go in with an open mind and just love the people. That is step one and then the spirit can be with you.

Yeah that would be great if you could send some winter stuff like my sweaters and stuff it is starting to get cold! Today is pretty cold. 

Little Stevie is going to get baptized next month and hopefully his sister too. He is Dallon's age and he pretty much messes with me like we are family it's funny. Yesterday he told me I needed to drink some 'haterade' because I don't like Linkin Park or White Castle haha. Then we played Uno with their family for FHE last week and I told him he couldn't play a card and he was like okay worst Uno player ever! haha. I love that kid and their family is the best! :) Yesterday during the lesson he said he knows that god loves everyone and we are all his children. Then he said he thinks that maybe we just feel closer to god when we go to church because he knows we are choosing the right. Gahhh it was the cutest. Why can't my brothers be cute like that!? 

Well I love you guys! 

God speed! Sister Brooks