Tomorrow is the DAY! :D

Thought I would write one more post before I leave.
Let me just say that I'M SOOO EXCITED!!!!! I can't even explain how excited I am right now! I finally get to go back to Indiana and serve my Heavenly Father :) I also just found out I get to stay the night with Sister Howard when I get there!!!!!!!! :D I'm losing my mind!!! I'm so excited to see my best friend and missionary mother! haha. Tomorrow is going to be the best day ever!

I'm so grateful that I get to go back on my mission! It will be amazing! I've been waiting for this day since the day I came home. I talked about the guy I taught on the plane in my blog post about coming home. But I've been thinking about him again today. I just know that Heavenly Father put him in my path for a reason. I remember our conversation and just talking to him about the gospel. I remember him saying he thought it was cool that I had a lot of my life figured out already being only 19. I have been thinking about that. I really don't have a lot of things figured out but I do know that I have Heavenly Father always looking out for me. Talking with James was when I realized I would return to my mission. I knew I didn't want to leave my mission but I didn't know what Heavenly Father wanted me to do next. Being able to teach one last person before I wasn't a missionary reminded me of the love that I had for sharing the message of the restored gospel with others. I'm just so excited to go back and teach. :) I know that missionary work is very difficult but it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

I'm so grateful for the friends I have made and I can't wait to see them tomorrow! I'm pretty sure I will be freaking out the entire time! haha. I'll let you all know how it goes! :)

 Love,
Sister Brooks

Image

I've been thinking a lot about change that has occurred in my life. During my senior year of high school I was scared to death what I was going to do next. I knew I would go to some sort of school but that was only because that was what everyone else was doing. So I applied for scholarships like crazy because I didn't have any money saved. I ended up with two scholarships to UVU. So I moved out and all that jazz. I really didn't know who I was or what my purpose was on this planet. I had a really hard time breaking out of my shell and making new friends. I didn't really like Orem mainly because everyone was super Mormon and always told me to go to church activities. I was really annoyed because at this time I didn't think I needed religion. I ended up hanging out with my old friends in Tooele almost every weekend because I didn't know what else to do with Jake as my only friend in Orem when we constantly worked different schedules. I felt alone all the time and couldn't wait for the weekends to come. I ended up not liking myself and just felt stuck in this place of unhappiness. 

My roommate Cassidy was really awesome and I just saw something really cool in her that I didn't have. She was always happy! I swear that girl was always smiling. She started preparing for a mission and I just knew that was what was so different between her and I. I knew I didn't have the testimony that she had. I wasn't living the way that I needed to live to be happy. I was ready to change I wanted to be happy. I just decided I would quit with all the nonsense. I started to talk to my bishop about serving a mission because I was prompted to serve. It was so strange because I wasn't really in tune with the spirit. But Heavenly Father reached out to me anyways for me to change and become a missionary. Thinking about this now just makes me so grateful for the love that Heavenly Father has for me. I wasn't doing what I was supposed to but he still reached out to me. I know he loves each of us and sometimes we don't recognize it. I didn't recognize myself as a daughter of god and I was miserable with myself. I just constantly was worried about my inadequacies and not the person that I could become.

Today I was looking back at old pictures and when I saw pictures of the old me I just knew that I had changed. All I cared about was what the world thought of me, not what heavenly father thought of me. I wanted everyone to think I was this really cool, laid back, and funny girl. But inside I never felt those things. I was scared of everything and what everyone thought. Now today I can say that I know I am his, a daughter of a king. I know that I can work hard everyday to become more like my savior and that my work is never through. I know that I'm here on this earth to learn, grow and love. My mission gave me this knowledge and my testimony is growing everyday. I'm so much more confident in myself and who I can become. I know I say this a lot lately but I seriously can't wait to get back out there and kill it! You are all children of god and I love you!!! :)

The church is true lil homies! 

Sister Sierra Brooks

I'm not afraid anymore.

Or as my dad would say when my mom yells at him "I'm not scared." haha.
Today I decided to spend some time at the cemetery where my grandma is buried. I have always found peace in going to the cemetery. Preparing for my mission I spent a lot of my study time there. It is just a place to get away from electronics, the noise, and just being outside is great! On my mission I could just feel my grandma's spirit helping me along in the work. My grandma was the best example to me of a missionary. I've always wanted to grow up to be just like her. She had a love for everyone around her and showed that love to those around her. 

As I was sitting at the cemetery reading my scriptures I just couldn't help but think of my grandma and her being the first member in our family and how she started it all. I was just reading The Book of Mormon knowing that this is the word of god and I want everyone to know it for themselves. It could bring peace to their lives like I had searched for and finally found. I thought about all those times I went tracting and how scared I was to knock on these strangers doors. But why should I be afraid? I have this knowledge to share with them. This knowledge that can guide them, bless them and bring happiness. This stranger is my brother or sister and they need this message in their lives. I sat there just thinking about how much I love missionary work I mean if there were nuns in this church I would be one! haha. I just had this feeling that I'm ready to return. I'm no longer afraid to share this message. I sat there wanting to run up to everyone in the cemetery to share this message with them.

It was so overwhelming to feel this that I'm needed and can return to the mission field! When I first got home I was like okay Heavenly Father whats the plan? Should I stay or should I go? I have felt that returning is what I needed to do and just to have that reaffirmed makes me the happiest girl ever! I'm just hoping it will be soon! But patience is also a thing I'm working on. 

I'm so grateful for all the support that I have in my returning. I love this church and this work more than anything! I'm so glad to have found what makes me the most happy. 
Keep on keepin' on! I love you all!
Sierra Mackenzie Brooks

Brandon Flowers knows whats up! 

Why I'm home... The Real Deal.

Okay so I'm finally writing this... I came home from my mission on medical release a few weeks ago. Leaving Indiana was possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my young life. How I ended up back in the glorious Tooele, Utah all started at the MTC. So I've always struggled with anxiety and depression something I'm not normally super open about. I have always fought my way through it. My anxiety has always been over the little things and I've been able to get past it for the most part. I mean I would get anxious over asking for a refill on my drink which is probably the weirdest thing anyone has heard. But you know anxiety is a very real thing. Most of the time I find myself making fun of my stupid fears which is a pretty good way of coping haha. 

So anyways in the MTC I started getting panic attacks and I would put every little small thing on myself. I also struggled with thinking I was a terrible teacher and I thought I could never be a missionary. Which is completely stupid! Because you know what? I'm an instrument in Heavenly Fathers hands he isn't going to let me fail his children. I really came to learn that when I got out in field and I want everyone who thinks about serving a mission to think about that. Feeling inadequate can eat at you and its what the adversary wants you to feel. For a time I did let that eat at me and that is where all the craziness happened and that is how I got here. I felt physically sick from the anxiety everyday because I just over stressed about my inadequacies and it was all about me. I worked very hard to push through it. I ended up going to the doctors because I thought maybe he could possibly help... well because that is what doctors are supposed to do. He put me on some super heavy I mean HEAVY medication. 

In the mission field you are only allowed to take this medicine for 10 days to kick start everything. So I did as the doctor directed and we pretty much had to stay home most of the time I was on this stuff because my companion's license expired and I wasn't allowed to drive. It was pretty crazy stuff! I was throwing up throughout those 10 days and just feeling like complete crap. But getting off of the medicine was another story...
My body was pretty much addicted. I stopped taking them on a Sunday and church was pretty much a complete blur. I remember walking down the hallway and how it felt like it was getting smaller and smaller. At the end of church I was so ready to pass out. So I called my mission presidents wife to see what she thought would be best and she said to try and slowly stop. As I did this I wasn't able to sleep for 5 days. I started having the craziest hallucinations, throwing up some more, my heart was beating a million miles, and my eyes were dilated actually up until a few days ago. I was scared! I was laying in my bed thinking that I might not wake up in the morning. 

I had fought so hard all the physical and emotional crap up until this point and I finally decided to call President Cleveland to see what he thought I should do. He told me he was going to call my mom and mission medical in SLC. I had a feeling he was probably going to call back and give me bad news.
I was sleeping finally for a few hours when President Cleveland called. I was barely awake when he told me he thought I should go home. I was so upset. I was like President there is NO WAY! I can't go home! except I was crying my eyes out so he probably didn't understand. I was just thinking there is no possible way I can leave. I love this. I love these people. I love serving the lord. I love Indiana and the tropical weather they were having. I love Sister Howard. I love all the missionaries I'm surrounded by. I'm finally happy for the first time. I need to share this message with everyone! I was filled with so much anger that I would have to go home. I felt like this was my final answer. I just kept telling him no and he was like well okay Sister come to the mission home tomorrow and we will talk. 

As soon as I got off the phone with him I got down on my knees begging heavenly father to let me stay here in this place I love with all the people I love. I need this and they need this. But as I was praying I knew that wasn't his plan and I was so angry. Then I realized it would all be okay. I kept having the spirit remind me of my favorite scripture in John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." The whole rest of that night I kept being reminded of scriptures about peace and I was prompted to read D&C 121. When I read that verse nine really stuck out to me and it says: "Thy friends do stand by thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands." I was so so scared of what everyone was going to think of me coming home early. Living in Utah I have seen the negative way people are treated for coming home early. You know what anyone who has the courage to serve a mission and serve the lord even if it's for one day has followed their prompting and has shown heavenly father that they are willing to listen. I just was so reminded that it doesn't matter!!! Your family is all that matters and they aren't going to think any less of you. I realized everything would turn out okay because heavenly father had a plan even if I did have to go back to Tooele.

So the next day we drove to the mission home so that I could talk to president. I still didn't want to come home because mission life is the life for me even if it was difficult. We sat down in the front room and he told me he had never been in that room before... haha in his own house he had never been in his front room! I thought that was pretty funny. He started talking about how great of a missionary he thought I was. It was funny because he always talked about this specialized training that we had. We were roll playing and he knew how much I hated and got really anxious about roll plays. So what does he do?! sits down and decides to roll play with me?! haha. But ever since then he always tells everyone about that roll play. I've had so many missionaries ask about it because he always tells everyone how great it was. Anyways he then started telling me that he had a feeling I needed to go home the morning before and it was the first time he had a feeling that I needed to go home. He told me that I was the first Sister that he had seen push so hard to stay here being sick. He was just like look you have been sick since November 20th and you can't be sick anymore, I look at you and I can see you are just exhausted. I was like oh thanks President! haha. He then was like I know how much of a desire to stay here you have so as a friend I have you up on the transfer board with another companion. 

So he did give me that option and I just thought about my next companion and how I would drag them down because I still wasn't feeling well. I couldn't do that. Take someone who is so willing and able to serve and make them stay indoors because I felt like crap. So I told him you know what you are called by god so I should really probably listen to you... haha I finally got it. I knew I couldn't get better in the field. I really didn't want to know that but I guess I had to. So he called everyone and I thought that I would have a few days to say goodbye to everyone.

I was still in shock that I would be leaving soon I didn't know how soon but leaving my mission in general just seemed awful.... Not going to lie and say that I don't somewhat feel that way still. 

We were in our apartment because I still felt awful and we get a call from President and he says my flight leaves tomorrow. TOMORROW!?! I freaked out I just started panicking and I couldn't control my tears. I had no time to say goodbye. I couldn't even pack I was so freaked out my heart was running a million miles and I was staring at the wall. I just wasn't there at all I felt so numb. I started calling everyone to say goodbye.

My companion Sister Howard is seriously the best person ever! She packed everything because I was so out of it. I just sat there like man I'm leaving! I had the Zone leaders give me a blessing and it was such an amazing blessing I felt so much better about leaving. It was really sad they were both crying and told me that they really thought it was cool how I could be myself and a missionary. It was cool hearing that. I called everyone in our zone to say goodbye and they all came over. It was so awesome to have their support. I called Elder Romcy and Elder Johnson at 9 and Elder Romcy with his sweet Brazilian accent answered he was like " Noooooooo Man! You can't go! We come over.... looks at clock oh no man it nine.... we come anyways." hahaha I laughed my butt off! But really the best young women and men our out on the lord's errand and I love them all!

The next day we were off to the airport at 6:30 am. I was SO exhausted and completely out of it due to the medicine withdrawals. Me being me tried to act like I was all cool with leaving. But I was so upset. They dropped me off at the curb and it was so sad. :( I just wanted them to stay with me forever! I know realistic. I got on the plane to Minnesota which connected to Salt Lake. I sat by a guy named James and I actually taught him a full Restoration lesson and got his phone number to give to missionaries where he live. I also happened to promise I would find him a woman. haha Jokingly of course. I knew that heavenly father still wanted me to be a missionary no matter where I go. 

When we arrived in Minnesota I was so out of it that I managed to space out so hard that I missed my flight. So I sat in Minnesota for 3 hours eating PB&J like a five year old crying looking through my journal. I asked the lady at the front desk to let me use her phone so I could tell my mom I wouldn't be there until four thirty instead of one thirty... So lets just say I had a lot of time to reminisce and it got ugly sad. When I finally got to Utah I was just so mad that I was there. I wanted to be in Indiana and Utah was disgustingly hot! I was being such a punk to my parents and I'm sorry mom and dad but I love mission life more than Tooele.

Through all of this I have really realized that this is what heavenly father wants for me and it is important to align our own wills with heavenly father. I still am struggling with that because I much rather be in Indiana. I know that I will be able to go back out and that I will go! Heavenly Father has told me this is just a brief moment in the blessing that the Elders gave me and through my studies and prayer. A mission is all I want. I want to serve I want to help others. I have also come to know that we are all children of god. Learning that has helped me to love others, better serve others and just seeing people the way god sees them is MAGICAL! Check it out! You can't hate anyone seeing them in that light. I really do love everyone! I'm grateful for the knowledge of the restored gospel and the overwhelming happiness it has brought to my life and that is why I even want to be a missionary so my brothers and sisters of the universe can find it for themselves. Isn't it the coolest?! We all can know for ourselves! Not because some guy told us. 

Leaving Indiana was so difficult because I just wanted to continue in teaching but I have learned that I can teach anywhere. The home is the most important place to teach and I think that is why I'm here is to strengthen my family so that I can leave them and not worry.
I just have to say that this work is the best work and I know that it is a never ending work. I'm just so thankful to have found what I did on my mission. Before my mission I wasn't happy and now I'm pretty dang happy I would say! I just can't wait to get back out there and serve!

I love all of you! Thanks for the support and if you read this you are one cool cat!
Peace and Blessings
Sierra Mackenzie Brooks

Elder Romcy at 9:10 haha

Elder Johnson (he was actually in my YSA ward before the mish) and Elder Romcy

Sister Howard is a sad Tunia.

Family really is everything…

Mom! 

I'm so glad that everything seems to be going so great at home! :) I can't believe you are giving a talk! I feel like you would never do that haha. I'm a proud daughter. I went to a member’s home and they had one of your signs and I freaked out! haha. I was like thats my mommy!!! I'm trying to spread the word to Indiana about your creativeness :)

Sister Correll she is basically my mother out here haha. She is pretty much like the best person in the world! She bore her testimony on Sunday about missionary work and how grateful she is too be able to teach with us all the time and to have met such an amazing family. Lisa is so amazing! I think I'll be here for her baptism but you never know! Transfers are on the 12th and I think Sister Howard will be leaving me. :( I'm hoping I'll be with a younger missionary so I don't compare myself to these all stars.

We have had a lot of good people help us out this week with getting us place to place. The Elders were even nice and got me Theraflu and 7-up. Sister Robertson hooked us up with chocolate cinnamon bears and chocolate covered Santa. She has a storage of sweets candies she orders from Utah because you can't get those things here. She brought some to us last night she drove up to our door and we just went out and got them. She is like a Sweets dealer here for all the Mormons who know about that stuff haha. Also she is a McDonalds’ Diet coke addict.... So looks like I'm finding you more best friends. She is seriously awesome! :) I just think it's hilarious she has like a food storage of chocolate covered cinnamon bears! haha. 

I pretty much love like everyone in the ward they are like the best people I've ever met. They are all so willing to help in missionary work and being motherly. Sister Couts is our grandma basically :) I can't remember if I told you she taught us how to knit with our arms and she is like a super amazing quilter. Also she is like the funniest person ever! haha. When we first met her she was all formal with us and then we just became best friends! 

I'm feeling a little better. Still can't drive but I'm planning on a better week. One day I had like the most amazing day because I could just feel Grandma helping me. I think of her like always because she really was a missionary to everyone. She has influenced me to be a better person.  We can't find true happiness in worldly things and I think I've come to realize how much you all mean to me. Family really is everything…tell Dad that is not a stupid quote haha. 

We talked about temples on Sunday and I thought of our family and how much temple work there is to be done! I was thinking about how me going on a mission got you guys back to the temple :) Good things are happening. The gospel can really give you confidence and I think you are finding that. :) I am too. It takes time and a lot of work. But it is all worth it. I really hope my brothers can find that. I think about those weirdoes almost every minute haha. I want them to realize what we have and stop taking it for granted.

I miss staying up with you too Dad! Insomniacs for life! haha. I won't be moving away when I get home I'll live with you forever! haha. I told Sister Howard I'm going to be rich enough to have a big house where I can take care of my parents in. I hope you are okay with that. :) I love you guys so much! 

Keep being Legit! 

Love,

Sister Brooks

This week has been so crazy!

Hello Mom!

This week has been so crazy! It hasn't been the most productive because I've been feeling pretty sick so I went to the doctors in Carmel on Friday and spent like the whole day there. We went to the mission home and talked with President and Sister Cleveland. It seriously feels like being home visiting there. I love it! Then we went and ate delicious Thai food!

Saturday we had a lesson with Symone she actually came to church during the storm last Sunday which was crazy! Since not even half the members showed up haha. She is a single mom with two cute little girls. One of the members in the ward actually told us about her. They were on the same bus and it was raining outside and she didn't know that the bus couldn't take her closer to her house. So Brother Peterson called up his wife to come and take them home. So now we are teaching her! The members here have seriously helped us out so much! I love the ward a ton! 

We taught Lisa on Saturday and it seriously felt like walking into a member’s home! She just is so much happier already! She can't wait to be baptized.

I miss Dad too! I keep thinking about the concert we went to and what a blast that was! I really miss music so much! It would be cool if you sent me and I-home and music :) Maybe even some Brandon Flowers songs well probably just 'On the Floor'. It's about prayer so I think it's uplifting! haha. Oh no! I've been thinking about Grandpa a lot! Is he doing alright? I got a pair of shoes at JCP…I missed my combat boots! haha. They are more mission appropriate than my Doc Martens though. Mom you are awesome! All the missionaries are jealous that you send me so much stuff haha. They are like who is this woman?!

Lisa told people at her work that she was investigating the church and they told her that we would make her quit drinking diet coke. She was so worried she wouldn't be able to be baptized because she loves diet coke and she saw a flyer for addiction recovery in the church and was like I need to go for my diet coke addiction! hahaha! I thought of you and I was like dang my mom needs to go to diet coke addiction recovery. 

We went and saw Jane the other day and she asked if we "got our paws on a D&C" She has been asking about us getting her a doctrine and covenants forever so I finally just ordered a $5 one. I hope it gets here soon because she I think it would cheer her up! She lives in like this apartment for older people and we made puzzles with her and these old people sitting next to us were playing the most violent game of UNO I've ever heard haha.

Well nothing else too interesting happened this week probably because I just talked to you on Wednesday. I love you all! I hope that you are all making good choices!

Remember who you are and what you stand for! 

Love,

Sister Brooks

Trapped in our apartment for three days...

Hello there Family!

I know its three days late but we have been trapped in our apartment for three days... Well we got out to go to Walmart yesterday and we went to a members house for dinner. When we were driving to dinner we actually got our car trapped and we had a little tiny shovel to dig it out so we started moving snow. Then SIX snow plows came up behind us! We thought that maybe one of the six men could possibly get out and help us but no... They decided it would be really awesome to drive next to us and pile all of the snow on top of our car! So we then decided to walk to our appointment because our little baby shovel couldn't get us out. It was so stressful! 

But the member helped us out and our car was safe. Everyone was in such bad moods in that neighborhood because they haven't plowed. This crazy guy stood in front of one of the plows and was just screaming at the guy telling him that he needed to plow his driveway. HAHA! It was pretty hilarious!

Hopefully we can do some missionary work today. The roads are still straight up ice! But I think that they will probably be melting soon. 

We have 11:30 church now and we had an investigator come on Sunday even with the crazy weather! Classes were canceled though so we just had sacrament.

What!? Someone seriously paid for me?! That is the coolest thing ever! Goodness! Who are these people? And I'm only a Brooks! haha. I can't even believe people are so nice! Thank you anonymous person! I love you! :)

Things are going pretty well! Two more people in Lisa's family committed to baptism! I really hope I will be here in March.

I'm not the Greenie anymore because our zone got two more Greenies. We have been really blessed with member support and tons of referrals! I really love our ward! The people are super awesome! They sometimes laugh at my really lame jokes too.

Mom... I'm getting so fat! Like seriously we never stop eating! We have food and water so don't worry! haha. We didn't do anything for New Years... because we are missionaries. We had to be in at 6 so we just updated some of our files and stuff like that.

Yay letters! I'm sorry I have been so terrible at writing back my hand cramps up haha. I wrote all my thank you card though so don't worry!

This week has been so crazy already! I love you all! 

Love,

Sister Brooks

Some of the members homes that

Sierra refers to as Castles!